T +16

Dear Piglet,

Today was a really tough day, i am just glad i got through it. Of course with some people around like beow and mj who was there with me and like yx who just came over to ask me if i was fine. She didn't even need to ask about what happened and i guess i really appreciated the concern. But sigh, toughtough day. It was only because of the heat that prevented me from crying. I saw all the people around, the familiar faces, but i just couldn't bring myself to go talk to people. I saw her of course, but she didn't look at me. Its as if i didn't exist i felt. But like i said, i shall generate excuses, she didn't mean it cos she missed her girlfriends too much and went to chat them up instead. She came really close at a point of time, i was hoping she could just come and tap me and say hi, i guess i should have really looked up. Another excuse, maybe she appears to be very cold cos she isn't comfortable talking to me with so many people around? I dunnoe, i didn't concentrate throughout the entire day. I just kept emo-ing. Good thing beow asked me to take a walk to campus centre, if not i would have just died. Even when after everything we were like walking towards the carpark i was like, should i just run up and talk to her or should i maintain that i will not contact her unless she contacts me first, issit a stupid thing?

In the afternoon, went to get the iphone stuff and it took so long, was supposed to go lunch with everyone (where i can hopefully talk to her) but we just missed it. I was damn sian as the hours go by cos it meant that my chances were dieing out. And then my phone went out of batt. But i guess it didn't mattered cos at the end of the day, she still didn't send me a msg or what. not even to say hi, what are u doing. I am not expecting you to say what hey dear i love you or what, its things like that that really makes me start to wonder about things, doubt things. sigh. hopefully we would still be good friends 6 months down the road, but for now, i guess i am just getting used to being disappointed, lowering my expectations and getting used to everything.

Went to play soccer after, was quite shiok. everyone must have been lazing around too much, we got tired really quick. But it was enjoyable because everyone was trying to get the ball. I was tired too, if not i would have vented all my stress and anger in the game. Well, i did when jem was trying to shout at me to do better. i just kept kicking with all my energy i can find. and of course, with some of my favorite vulgarities. i ended up scoring two goals, all very lucky or not kind. Some nice shots i thought but shots will remain as shots unless they get in. Good venting everything out. Felt really good, hopefully we will get to do this more. Then Tim drove me home, while on the way to pick sasha we talked a bit, i was happy that he talked to me about it. Maybe cos i really treat him as somebody who i can really turn to for advice. And maybe also because he's christian, and maybe because he's also in a similar situation i guess. Sad that we couldn't have talked more. Would really want to know him better this year now that we are close by. Well, he did say that when he talked to her, it seemed like the our relationship was quite a serious one. But i guess, after what nic has said, i am starting to wonder, if she really loved me, wouldn't she have done more to try to keep me? Like tell me its an issue and give me some options for negotiation and compromise, rather than just break up with me like that. I am starting to wonder if she did it because maybe there's something else about me she couldn't accept? Like maybe me being too sticky, or not telling my parents about it and that the religion thing was just an excuse? I dunnoe. Sasha said i should gather all my questions and ask her out to talk about it. should i?

Even if i did, i probably only just wanted her to be close by.

Bear